How I began to love myself
I was adjusting myself all my life (few days were exceptions).
Molding myself into someone who people will like, accept and love. Yes, I was still doing what I love, but there was this background machine adjusting me to fit other’s expectations in any way possible.
I would speak to people and think: “Will I leave them happy? I hope they like me. I need to be such a good person that they will remember me forever. I need to make people happy. To make them feel good. I shouldn’t create conflicts or argue.”
I noticed a big consequence of this in my life.
I was tense in my body, my neck hurt me, my breath was shallow and my belly didn’t move (all the muscles were contracted). I used a lot of energy to run another program in my head while being with people.
Processing thoughts of “do they like me, what should I say so they will be content?” while trying to listen to them.
Even after workshops I would be exhausted, with all my body in pain, head full and wanting to explode. I was so unexpressed! I was worried of every move I made in front of people! What will they think if I do THIS? And if I do THAT???
Then, by looking at reality, I realized something really important.
Only I can be the source of unconditional, ever present love for myself.
I just am! And everyone has that power, the question is just if they choose to really see it or not. Some people will also love me – some of them conditionally, and other unconditionally.
In any case, if I use this unconditional love for myself, I don’t need love from anyone else!!! I don’t need to seek and yearn for it. I may get it, and that’s ok too. But I’m not attached to it. I am not dependent on love from someone else. I am the self sufficient source of love for myself.
On the other hand I realized that all that I see in my surrounding is my creation!
My creation is being made of my subconscious creations, and conscious creations. It’s great knowing I consciously create. And I see it always works, if I’m not attached on how something will happen.
But then I also create subconsciously. I can’t control it and things appear to come by default. There is something very valuable in this though!!
If you just observe your surrounding (people, circumstances), it will give you access to who you are and what are you projecting out of yourself.
Everything you see around you is your mirror of what’s going on inside you! So if you observe, see what is going on outside, you can search which part of yourself is like this.
For example, if something disturbs you on another person, look at where are you being like that, and you don’t accept it in you. Yes! What you can do with it to set yourself free?
First, get that’s a part of you. And accept it.
Then forgive yourself for it.
In every moment of your life you did THE BEST you could in that certain moment! Yes, when you look back you can be smart and know that you could do it differently. But in that very moment THIS what you did, was the best you could do with the knowledge and experience you had.
So forgive yourself!
Whatever you see is your creation. And you can just love it for what it is, your creation! If you love yourself fully, you will be able to love everyone! Even the supposed “bad” stuff. It’s there! Choose to see it as an opportunity to grow! Opportunity to forgive yourself for something and move on in life! Because once you resolve it inside of you, it can’t exist in reality. You’re creating it and so it’s only you out there hahaha!!
Just love yourself. And this world will be an amazing place to live in.