How to not take things personally
I was doing our emotional healing exercise to resolve a personal problem with someone and figured out we are both dealing with the same thing:
Taking some people’s actions really personally and being hurt like someone shot me in the heart or stomach.
First I have to say it was really surprising to see someone who had almost exact experience like me, if you take out that there were different people involved. The being shot feeling was what we shared.
And what we also shared is that we had no control over it. We got over it together, but first I want to share what I mean by being shot.
I felt exhausted after an incident where someone would not consider my thoughts and how I feel.
One of the moments was when Agni would take food from me and share it with someone else without considering my opinion or feelings. I would get so upset I would not be able to let is go. I would need hours to recover and somehow calm down enough to forgive her for it. It drained my energy. Sometimes I would lay down in bed and just wait for it to go away. To stop feeling the pain.
I felt I just can’t do anything with this. And even though I was aware that I took something personally and that I didn’t want to, it still got to me like an arrow into my heart. I had a headache, pain in the heart and chest. My legs were weak and I could feel weakness taking over my body.
When this was happening I had thoughts in the background that even though I doubted them, they still felt true to me. The predominant thought was: “They don’t care about how I feel!!” I just thought they were completely inconsiderate and rude.
I also thought that I am a bad person.
I would get hurt and then try to punish them back for it. I was nasty. I didn’t want to be, and I still did it. It felt like I was being possessed. I can’t find other words to describe it. And it would be the exact mirror of how their actions appeared to me, inconsiderate and rude, just evil!
They were even asking me if I have no feelings, like there is something wrong with me, that they just cannot understand.
It was all devastating for me. I had this values of being a good person, helping the world to be a better place, trying to set an example of a responsible human being. And there I was, sabotaging my value system, the most important thing in my life. It made me deeply sad … just sadness and pain, devastation in my heart.
I knew I didn’t want to live like this anymore.
If there was something I wanted more, was this. Seeing what is running me and start living the life I felt was possible but I could never reach. I didn’t want to hurt people around me anymore. I don’t want to be a cold person. I love people.
So I looked at what is the reality behind everything that I was experiencing. I thought I couldn’t control taking things personally.
But in reality I could feel things. I was aware of the reactions in those moment when I took things personally. And I could say that I am being hurt by some words or actions, but I didn’t say anything.
I thought I was a cold person for taking things personally. I was being a jerk with them.
And I didn’t listen to people. I didn’t ask questions to show interest in people as much as I would like to. And I wasn’t interested in their point of view, but rather for a confirmation of mine. And when they didn’t accept my opinions that I believed were the truth, I had an unwanted reaction to it.
I thought I was right (like I knew what was the truth) in the situation where I experienced being hurt.
I thought they were inconsiderate to my feelings and what I’ve said. In reality there is no right or wrong. All there is are personal views. And also everyone has a different view based on his own life experiences. I see actions of people through my life experience, and they see my actions through their life experience.
Before I saw my point of view as the truth, like the white table that was in front of my eyes.
There were situations, like homeless people on the street, that I had an opinion about them. But at the same time I was aware I had an opinion about them. And there were other situations where I would think of something as absolute, because it would appear for me as clear as any object in front of my eyes. I wasn’t aware this was also just my point of view and not the truth.
Here’s the picture to show you what I mean by every person perceiving (seeing, filtering) things through their life experiences.
This got me out in the clear!! Seeing something I have never seen in my life.
Everything lost it’s charge, the buildup off all the energy through my life. Even if I think it is completely logical, that it’s the higher truth about life, it’s still just my view and not the truth.
I saw I was always feeling like I know something that others don’t. That I am the perfect leader for this world. That I have the best understanding, the most holistic understanding of everything. I was not egoistic about it (not boasting about it), but it was running my whole life.
Even if someone is living in my opinion a shitty life, he still has a point of view I don’t.
And that makes him the most valuable person on the planet. And I see it now as that with more views, I am able to see the reality clearer. People all of the sudden became equal to me.
More points of view, the greater the picture of what is in front of us.
This feels liberating. It feels we are all equal, I am not smarter, I am not better. They are not less or anything I think they are. They are just people with their experience, just like me.
I mean WOOOOOOOW!!!!
Since then I have been experiencing what?
I have experience being in control and seeing people as equals. As people who interest me and that I really love. Everybody is just so adoring, beautiful person. I don’t take things personally any more, because they are not personal, period.
Again I am just grateful that me and Agni are able to do this transformational exercises every time we are stuck with something and loosing energy, hitting a wall.
I create that one day we’ll be able to teach people how to use this themselves, on their own. Every time we do this exercise with people, I feel there is a greater need for this in the world, and just want everyone to have access to this. Wow! Thank you Thank you Thank you for this gift.